Some Animals Are Good, and Some Are Bad: What I Learned from Planet Earth 2

The great thing about watching Planet Earth is that you, an adult, are secretly learning things without the stunning difficulty of actually trying to learn something. The bad thing about watching Planet Earth is that you, extremely stoned, don’t retain any of it. Well, good news, blurry face. I’ve watched every single episode of the BBC’s Planet Earth II, which concluded this past weekend, and I can tell you one thing I did permanently grasp: Some animals are good, and some animals are bad.

Now, you may be thinking, Isn’t the whole thing that life is about shades of gray — that nobody is inherently good, and nobody is inherently bad? I accept this notion as it applies to humans, for wholly self-serving reasons. However, I now abhor it as it applies to animals. To be clear, I am not just implying, but outright stating that it is possible to place judgment on the entire food chain.

But how do you know which animals you should root for, and which ones you should watch die horribly and think, Yay? Well, again, that’s what I learned from Planet Earth II, and now I’ll share it with you … for free.

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