Back in April, I interviewed and subjected myself to celebrity tarot-card reader Angie Banicki, who informed me that I was a spiritual guru in the making, a Gandhi meets L. Ron Hubbard type who was destined to either lead the masses to salvation or convince legions of innocents to swill poisoned Kool-Aid. Emboldened by this exciting information, I decided to start a series called “…To the Stars,” through which I’ll interview all manner of celebrity-adjacent people: celebrity dog walkers, celebrity doctors, celebrity assistants, celebrity dog assistants, etc. I’ll harangue them relentlessly for (anonymous, if necessary) gossip about their clients, pretend I am extremely famous by partaking in their services, and report back on whether either endeavor was worth it.
My second “…To the Stars” subject is Katrina Brown, an aptly named celebrity spray-tanner and wildly elegant Australian person. Katrina owns two high-end tanning salons Down Under, but relocated to Los Angeles a few years ago after hopping back and forth for a while. Her roster of celeb clientele is impressive, if random: Denise Richards, Nicole Scherzinger, Sarah Hyland, a slew of Real Housewives (Joanna Krupa, Brandi Glanville, Gretchen Rossi), and Janice Dickinson, among others. My personal spray-tan experience with Katrina was dramatic on a Shakespearean level, full of hairpin turns and elaborate visual metaphor. Without further ado, I present it to you here.