Your Favorite Christmas Movies, Rewritten for the Trump Era

White Christmas

Army vets Bob Wallis and Phil Davis stumble upon beautiful, talented sisters Betty and Judy Haynes busking in the New York subway. Judy begs Phil for a dollar to buy an apple (she does not eat carbs). Bob steps in to explain that he and Phil are also homeless, and have been ever since Trump cut all funding for veteran programs and both men were unable to seek treatment for their PTSD. Phil stares vacantly at a cat wandering toward them. The cat transforms suddenly into their old Army general. The Army general tips his hat and tells the men he’d love to host them at his Vermont inn. Phil starts screaming. Bob holds him tightly, waiting for the moment to pass. “That’s just our cat,” says Betty. Every single person in this movie is still white.

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